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MFT Book Review – Better than Before by Gretchen Rubin

Mar 25, 2020

Better than Before

Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Lives

By Gretchen Rubin

I think that chatting about this book is very timely right now.  As we all navigate these crazy times we are living in I think that it is important to concentrate on things we can do to master the habits of our everyday life and when this pandemic is over be better than before.  As we have mentioned several times we have been given this amazing gift of time and now is the time to work on our businesses, engage with our family, friends and clients and work on ourselves.  I think that Rubin’s book gives us some great pointers and life lessons that can help us achieve these goals and gain greater control over our lives.

  1.  People use habits to change their days and shape their lives:   Rubin recommends that we use our habits to create the roadmap for an improved life.  She suggests that you can get your life under control by instituting  those habits that you want to implement and trying to eliminate the ones we do not want as part of our life.   So how do you change habits?   Rubin defines a habit as a “behavior that’s recurrent, is cued by a specific context, it often happens without much awareness or conscious intent, and is acquired through frequent repetition.”   So, with this in mind we can assume that habits eventually take decision making out of the process, or you can conclude that you only have to make the decision one time and then through repetition the habit is formed.  

What are some habits in your business you would like to form?

What are some habits in your business you would like to eliminate?

  • Self-Knowledge is the most important factor in developing habits, so identify your tendencies and distinctions:  Rubin identifies Four Tendencies that affect how we develop habits.
    • Upholders obey the rules and feel comfortable with their own rules as well as others.
    • Questioners will not agree to comply until all of their queries have been addressed.  They will obey the rules once their questions are answered and they find a logical end.
    • Obligers are the people pleasers, they are more apt to meet outer expectations but struggle with self-motivation and improvement so creating inner habits is more of a challenge for them.
    • Rebels are the outliers and do not like to follow any expectations.  They want to do things their own way and resist external control.
  • Four strategies to develop better habits:  Rubin identifies the following four strategies to help you get to know yourself better and what will help you evaluate your own habits and assist you in developing new habits.
    • Monitoring – We need to measure and monitor our progress because when we estimate we tend to over or underestimate the actual figures.  So, for example if you want to really understand the amount of time you spend editing images, you should keep a timer and start and stop it when working and keep a log.  When we “guess” we are usually not as accurate as we hope.
    • Scheduling – Rubin says, “how we schedule our days is how we spend our lives…”  This statement is not only very true but can be a paradigm shift for your entire business, day and life.  When we schedule activities, we are a lot less likely to procrastinate and more likely to do it.  Scheduling times to work on your business, to create social media content, work on digital marketing, create a new piece of collateral, etc., etc., etc. will mean you are much more likely to get those projects done.
    • Accountability is a very powerful motivator, we pay our bills on time to avoid a late fee, students do their homework to get better grades, etc.  Accountability can and does come in many forms.  It could be simply going public with your intentions and saying them out loud or getting an accountability group or partner to help you achieve your goals and have someone to motivate you and hold you accountable.  Being accountable in our business comes from making sure we are practicing the best client service practices.  We do not want to let your clients down and we want those great five-star reviews so we must remain accountable to make sure we can stay on track with our goals and developing our best business habits.
    • Foundation can be defined as “an underlying basis or principle…”  The best foundation to build on is one of self-control.  Rubin recommends that you start with habits that strengthen your self-control and build from there.  With a solid and stable foundation, you are much more likely to be successful as you work on improving your habits.  
  • To increase the likelihood that you will maintain your habits, make them enjoyable and convenient:  When you adjust the amount of energy it takes to maintain and even create habits it makes it easier to achieve your goals.  Here are some techniques recommended by Rubin  to help you implement these changes with less procrastination and more ease.
    • Abstaining is in theory a great idea, right?   Just do NOT partake in the bad habit you are trying to break, or completely stop cold turkey so you will not be tempted.  Well, abstaining can work for some people, but I believe, and Rubin seems to believe that most people are moderates, which means that sometimes it is okay to have a little bit or allow some into your life, so you do not become disengaged or discouraged.  So, for example if you are trying to create better photographic techniques and habits in your business it is perfectly okay to sometimes use your old techniques (ex. Natural light, hand holding the camera, etc.)
    • Convenience is key to maintaining success when creating new habits and breaking old ones. When things are convenient they are much more likely to be followed through, and when you make bad habits less convenient they are easier to break.  Profit First is a great example of this for me, I want to be more fiscally responsible and not overspend so my profit and tax bank accounts are at a completely separate bank that I do not have the app on my phone and rarely access it on-line.  This money then stays out of sight, out of mind.  
    • Safeguards are put into place to help you break those bad habits and create the new ones.  The safeguard I use to be more fiscally responsible in my business is not putting those apps on my phone for the banks that have my tax and profit accounts.  Another example of a safeguard would be removing computers from your home or at least bedroom so that when you are home you are more engaged and present.
    • Distractions will absolutely derail your progress and keep you from focusing on your goals.  Try to eliminate distractions and sift through all of the noise that we are inundated with on a day to day, hour by hour, minute by minute basis.  As human beings we truly cannot or do not multi-task well and should engage and be as single focused as possible.  For example, when I am with a client I do not have the studio phone on or extra computers live, etc.  I want to be completely focused and engaged with my client at that time.  
    • Treats are self-explanatory and can be a great way to motivate yourself and your partners or employees.  Treats should never be the sole reason for creating or breaking habits, but small treats are a nice way to celebrate the small and large wins.  

This is a great book and I hope that you will find the time to read or listen to it, but if not I hope that these actionable steps that Rubin so beautifully illustrates are very achievable and can be life changing.  As our lives and businesses change I find that it is good to constantly re-evaluate your routines and habits, after all there is always room for improvement and growth.   

Mary Fisk-Taylor
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Mary Fisk-Taylor, MBA, M. Photog., Cr., EA- ASP, CPP, ABI, API Certified StoryBrand Guide Profit First Professional and Guide For almost 25 years Mary Fisk-Taylor has owned a portrait and wedding business with her business partner, Jamie Hayes in Richmond, Virginia. Hayes & Fisk Photography is one of the most sought-after Portrait and Wedding studios in their industry. Mary and Jamie are both incredibly committed to preserving family legacies, professionally capturing and printing portrait and milestone memories. They both believe that these fleeting need to be proudly displayed in family’s homes, not living digitally on phones, computers and modern technology. Mary also partners with her Mom and sister in a boutique volume and high school senior portrait studio that caters to local private schools and stresses both excellence in hometown and local client service and technical proficiency in the art of photography. Mary was very pleased and honored to have received her Master of Photography, Craftsmen of Photography and Certification of Professional Photography in just three short years. Mary has been named Photographer of the Year in 2007 and has won Best Wedding Album of the Year in Virginia several times. Nationally she has had her prints and albums recognized as Grand Imaging Award finalists. Mary is also a recipient of the prestigious Virginia Award, which honors photographers for their commitment and dedication to their state association, and the business of professional photography. And, in 2012 she was awarded the PPA Charities Legacy Award for her work and dedication to the philanthropic arm of PPA. In 2014 Mary was awarded the Charles H. (Bud) Haynes Award for her distinguished service to PPA and its members and for encouraging business awareness and practices in the field of professional image-making. And in 2015 Mary was honored to receive the National Award from the Southeastern Professional Photographers Association for her commitment and dedication to Professional Photography and has gone on to receive two more National Awards from other affiliates. Mary has also taught and lectured all of the United States, as well as the Philippines, Korea, Canada, Mexico and Italy and most recently South Africa. Mary is of course most proud of her two beautiful children, Alexandra and Jackson. Her husband, Daryl, and she enjoys the flexibility and joy that owning a profitable photography studio has allowed their family. Mary currently serves on the Executive Committee of the PPA Board of Directors, is a proud member of the Society of XXV, and is a past President of the PPA Board of Charities. She holds offices and board positions for her state professional photography affiliate, Virginia PPA and serves on several philanthropic and local boards. She is extremely active with Operation Smile International and has served as a staff photographer for several events and missions. At the age of 42 Mary was named one of Virginia’s Top 40 under 40 for her leadership in the community, volunteer and charity work and her business savvy. https://www.maryfisktaylor.com